Learning Myself Again

My boys,

There's something I didn't expect to feel… and I'm still trying to understand it.

When you spend years doing everything for everyone else—

Taking care of people. Showing up. Putting others first.

You don't really notice it at first.

It just becomes who you are.

You move. You act. You give.

Without thinking twice.

But then one day…

Someone asks you a simple question:

"What do you want?"

And for a moment—

You don't have an answer.

Not because you don't care. Not because you don't want anything.

But because somewhere along the way…

You stopped asking yourself that question.

I've been asked that more than once.

"What do you want to do?" "What do you need for yourself?"

And the truth is…

I'm still figuring it out.

And that's a strange place to be.

Because part of me feels like even asking that question is selfish.

Like I'm doing something wrong by thinking about myself.

Like I've spent so long being what others needed—

That now I don't fully know what I need.

And if I'm being honest…

There are moments it even feels like I'm an imposter in my own life.

Like I should already know.

But here's what I'm starting to understand:

Taking care of yourself is not the opposite of caring for others.

It's what allows you to keep doing it— the right way.

Because if you lose yourself completely…

What are you really giving?

And who are you giving from?

So maybe this isn't confusion.

Maybe it's a reset.

Maybe it's the part of life where you meet yourself again—

Not as who you had to be…

But as who you actually are.

And that takes time.

It takes honesty.

It takes sitting with yourself without rushing to find the answer.

So if you ever find yourself here one day…

Don't be afraid of it.

You're not lost.

You're just learning yourself again.

I love you.

— Baba

---

Question: If everything slowed down today… would you know what you truly want?

Moral: Losing yourself in service isn't noble forever—finding yourself again is necessary.

Disclaimer: This story reflects real experiences and philosophies behind Backyard Brew. It is shared to inspire perspective and intention.

Author: R. Solace